Taking Back Someday

bring your Someday dreams into your today

Everyday I’m Strugglin’

on November 17, 2015

I have no idea what’s going on with me, but I think people have been here. I know I have been here. Hell I think it’s even in the Bible where dear old Apostle Paul (Romans 7:15-20) says I know what to do but I just don’t do it. I just cannot seem to get my eating on track and work and the crappy weather and my blah over it, keeps me from even getting my 10,000 steps. I had gotten my 10,000 steps every single day for three months. Now I have gotten my 10,000 steps 2 days in a 10.

I am trying to figure this out instead of waking up on January 1st and realizing I have gained back the 20 pounds I have lost since July in new record time. Here is what I know:

I fully believe in the Law of Attraction and that you get what you put out there based on the base “vibration” for lack of a better word. So I must be putting out there this struggle that is going on. I mean something a little more then the normal struggle of I’d really love to eat limitless ice cream and fries all day every day but I do not want to have my own TLC documentary of being rescued from my house, because no doubt I could totally eat my way there given the right set of circumstances in life.

So Where have my thoughts been that I am in this place of struggle? What have I been feeding into my thoughts? Unconsciously, who knows right now. But Consciously, I have been listening to a lot of podcasts and reading about loving yourself, being kind to yourself, making slow gradual changes. Adapting your life not on any restrictive diets but that you can enjoy everything in life in moderation. I really think this is where the heart of my struggle is right now because I believe all that to be true, but it’s a tiny bit BS for me too. I don’t think I believe a can have all that in moderation because when I do, my tracker is way high on calories and I will maintain my weight or even gain if I don’t keep it in check. I also struggle with perfectionism so its kind of easy to hold a bar and try to make that mark. But trying to “go easy” on it and allow yourself not to follow perfect? Ehhh how will I get to “this goal”? Now most people who have had success did not eat anything they wanted during the weight loss time. They just balanced it out a little, with points or calories or low carb or paleo etc…. so I think my over analytical nature is just blowing things up and I am spinning in circles going now where.

But at the core- what I want is to love and accept myself, but love myself enough to be my best self. I want to live a healthy life where I don’t worry about if the roller coaster will close or the zip line harness will not be safe and I want to enjoy my life and gasp still enjoy my food and eating. Can I make all those things work together? I see that other people have so theoretically YES. I just need to remind myself what I want and how to get there.

So my goal for the next week

Track everything. For the last 10 days I have tracked MOST everything but have gotten off track every day and left it off.

Get at least 8500 steps- This is hard because now anything less then 10K feels like failure. The goal here is to try to resolve feeling like a failure based on something like a # on the fitbit.

Go shopping and prep for healthy eating- I have not set myself up for success because I just didn’t get to the store and needed to wait until this Friday (payday). We had food, but it was not planned as well for success and didn’t feel organized which leads me to picking at things later I realize.

That’s it.. 3 simple little plans for the week. I will not stop. I will struggle. It totally frustrates me to struggle and feel like I shouldn’t because HELLO- Who doesn’t WANT to lose weight?? But here I am and here I go!





2 responses to “Everyday I’m Strugglin’

  1. I really like your blog and YOU CAN DO THIS, we are worth it and it is difficult (I can attest to that), but we can do it!

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